Short Story: Original Sin
Posted on | February 10, 2010 | 2 Comments
My short story, Original Sin has been published on Metazen and is currently available to read.
I’d like it if you could take a look.
You can read it here.
If you like short/flash stories, you should definitely subscribe to Metazen as there’s always lots of consistently good stuff there.
I’m off to find a corner in which to curl up.
Tags: flash > metazen > original sin > Short Stories > Writing
Gandhi Goes To The Naughty Corner
Posted on | February 4, 2010 | 3 Comments
My daughter, who is now five and a half (definitely not five), has discovered non-violent protest.
When she’s aggrieved about something – or possibly just stropy – she now walks really, really slowly. And, clever girl that she is, she tends to engage in this disruptive behaviour when we need to actually go somewhere – generally when we’re late.
I say, “Come on, we’ll be late…”
And she starts walking in tiny steps, an inch at a time. She’s like a protesting taxi-driver or French trucker.
It’s both annoying and amusing at the same time.
When I threaten her, she says, “There are many causes that I am prepared to go to the naughty corner for but no causes for which I am prepared to put someone in the naughty corner.”
She may have been reading-up on this.
I have sent a strongly-worded letter to Ben Kingsley.
A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: 1980
Posted on | February 2, 2010 | Comments Off on A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: 1980
OK, so I lied. I said I’d need a break between 1977 and this, David Peace’s 1980.
It seems I didn’t.
I tried to take a break. I started two other books and gave up a dozen pages in. They were too light. My brain had grown accustomed to the distressing world of Peace’s Yorkshire and was unable to turn itself to something less somber and grim.
That was slightly worrying.
As it turns out, 1980 is slightly (very slightly) less bleak than either of the previous books in the series. Less bleak than 1977 – I think – because its protagonist is not so tainted as either Bob Fraser or Jack Whitehead (77’s ‘heroes’); his point of view a little less grimy and sordid. Less bleak than 1974, possibly, because even the grisliness of the Ripper murders holds less emotional resonance than the tortures and murders of the children in the earlier book.
Don’t think it’s a walk in the park however.
Peace brings more of the prose we’re used to; expressive, personal, and beautifully burrowing. We’re with our new protagonist, Peter Hunter but he’s slightly more removed from what’s come before. For all the pain and lies and secrets that are in Hunter’s head, we’re just glad that it’s not so awful in there as in previous books.
Peace makes some progress towards winding up this tetralogy (quadrilogy isn’t a real word) in 1980 and I’m looking forward to finally getting to 1983.
This time, however, there will be something between this and the next Peace book.
Tags: 1974 > 1977 > 1980 > 1983 > Books > david peace > tetralogy
Gerry 1, Weather 1
Posted on | January 31, 2010 | Comments Off on Gerry 1, Weather 1
1-all. That’s the score in the last two weeks as far as my having a ramble in the hills is concerned.
Last week, I took a walk up Derrybawn. I’d been there before but figured that it might be a good route to get into the hills before all the snow had gone. And it was a good route… more or less.
The route to the summit of Derrybawn – or, at least, some of the way – is a narrow, rocky track through deep heather. Last week, with all of the melt-water, this was a narrow, rocky stream. That is, the parts that weren’t covered in snow.
If you’ve ever walked over uneven ground, deep heather and sometimes-streams that have been covered in a thick blanket of snow, you’ll know that the going is slow and difficult. Although much of the snow had melted, there were still large drifts – some of which were hip-deep. Not knowing what’s under the snow makes walking on it a bit nerve-wracking.
Still though, good fun. I took a few photos along the way (mostly with no snow, oddly enough). They’re on my Picasa page if you’re interested. Like the day, the photos were mostly grey and dismal and I’ve played with them a little before uploading – mainly out of boredom.
Chalk up one for Gerry. Gerry:1
Then, a couple of days ago, I attempted another trip to the mountains.
This wasn’t so successful.
Thick fog. Thick snow. The route I’d planned required crossing a large, de-forested patch and it was utterly treacherous while covered in snow. No idea where I was stepping. Broken branches, tree-stumps, streams, mossy rocks, and many other delights made things very difficult – and a little dangerous.
In addition, the fog had reduced visibility to not much more than 50 yards. With a lot of open mountain to cross, I called it. It was a back-out. I’m relatively confident in my compass-work but I figured it wasn’t worth the twin risks of broken ankles and getting lost in the fog.
Weather: 1
Rematch next week. Hopefully.
Tags: derrybawn > fog > hiking > hill-walking > snow > weather
A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: 1977
Posted on | January 21, 2010 | Comments Off on A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: 1977
It’s grim up north*
At least it is in David Peace’s 1977. Bleak, gloomy and darker than closing your eyes at the bottom of an ocean where even those weird, ugly fish are scared to go.
Awful, terrible, beautiful darkness. Peace just won’t leave you alone. His words gnaw and eat at you and his story remains in your, now fetid, brain for a long, long time.
I read 1974 a few months ago and needed a bit of time before moving on. I’ll need more time before moving to 1980. These are not easy-reads but they are remarkable reads.
Much has been made of Peace’s ‘stream of consciousness’ prose and it is beautifully lyrical and engaging. The story focuses on the Yorkshire Ripper murders and is told from the first-person perspective of two different characters (two characters from 1974). This throws you for a few seconds as you process the first character switch but it’s easy to accommodate. Oddly – and adding to the disorientation – while both characters narrate their 1st-person story in alternating chapters, one does so in the present-tense and one in the past-tense.
And the violence… While there was plenty of violence in my last read, No Country For Old Men, it was more distant; slightly more stylised. Peace’s violence is in your face (and your hair and under your fingernails). It’s visceral and savage and affects you more deeply. Like I say, it’s difficult to forget.
I’m two thirds through and I’m now going to sneak off somewhere quiet and finish it. If I don’t post again, it’s because I’m huddled in a foetal position, weeping quietly and despairing.
The keen-eyed among you will have noticed my new Penguin Classics mug. I recently treated myself to two of them. Keep ’em peeled to see the other make an appearance soon.
*I’m certain I’m not the first to have made this, rather weak, joke. Apologies.
Tags: 1974 > 1977 > Books > david peace
Never Say Monday Again
Posted on | January 18, 2010 | 9 Comments
INT. HAYES MEGALOMANIACAL GLOBAL DOMINATION HQ – MORNING
GERRY, a ruggedly handsome, goatee-sporting rake in his 30’s (just), strides purposefully into the dispatching chamber. He stands at the bottom of the murder platform and crosses his manly arms.
GERRY
So, Monday... We meet again.
MONDAY, strapped to the murder platform and whimpering like a girl, looks up with tears in his annoying eyes.
MONDAY
What? Do you expect me to be fun? Is that what you expect?
GERRY
No, Monday. I expect you to die.
Gerry nods hunkily to a technician who turns to a console and twiddles knobs. A laser COUGHS and SPLUTTERS, emitting a weak, stuttering beam of light before extinguishing completely.
GERRY
Oh for fuck’s sake-
The laser suddenly leaps back into life. Radiation gets all stimulated and emitted, amplifying light and heading straight for Monday’s crotch. Monday looks worried – like some little bitch or something.
Gerry smiles an evil, yet charmingly attractive, smile. His muscular legs walk his buff torso up the exit ramp. He laughs as he goes.
MONDAY
If I fail to report, Tuesday will just take my place.
Gerry stops short. His attractive face scrunches (strikingly) with awful realisation.
GERRY
Shite!
A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: No Country For Old Men
Posted on | January 18, 2010 | 3 Comments
OK, so I’m the suggestible type. I read The Road last week and was taken by McCarthy’s slightly unusual prose style. I decided I’d like to read some more McCarthy and No Country For Old Men seemed like an easy next step.
Oddly enough, I’ve actually failed to catch the film yet so I went into the book with no preconceptions. I’m told that the film is a pretty faithful adaptation though. It’s on the DVD list. Will get to it soon.
As for the book, the prose is not quite so stark as The Road but it’s certainly been honed to within an inch of its life. It’s tight, yet rich, and it’s always gripping. McCarthy’s sparse punctuation quickly seeps into your brain and it’s only when you see an occasional contraction complete with its apostrophe that you remember their absence. It all makes for a quick read.
It also makes for a splendidly engaging, often disturbing read. You’ll have heard about the violence, I’m sure, and there is plenty of that. Mostly cold and considered violence and always chillingly rendered. Brilliant. It’s probably fair to say that I’m a McCarthy convert.
Incidentally, because I’m a book-snob I normally hate to read a book that has the movie-poster as its cover. The fact is, this one was almost two quid less than the non-film-cover version and there’s a recession.
Tags: Books > cormac mccarthy > No Country For Old Men > the road
A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: The Road
Posted on | January 8, 2010 | 6 Comments
This one arrived today. Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.
I’m hoping to get to see the film next week – weather permitting – and I really wanted to read the book before I did.
The postie brought this at lunchtime and, bad father that I am, I bundled my daughter into the next room to rot her brain watching TV while I sat in the kitchen and made a start on The Road. It was either that or read aloud to her and I think TV is probably the lesser to those two particular evils.
I’ve hit the halfway mark (despite my child selfishly interrupting me a number of times for things like food) and can report that it’s an extraordinary read.
At the risk of sounding a bit wanky, the prose is unembellished to the point of being stark – and all but the most essential punctuation is absent – but it’s certainly no less beautiful or disturbing for it. This is my first McCarthy, but I believe he writes like this in some (all?) of his other novels.
Anyway, wankiness aside, The Road has been distressing, haunting, riveting so far and I’m certain the second half will continue to ratchet things up.
Looking forward to it immensely. It may need another cup of tea though.
Oh, I’m also impressed by how many synonyms for ‘grey’ he has found.
For those interested in such things, Joe Penhall – who adapted it for the screen – writes about it here. Someone I follow tweeted this link but I’m afraid I can’t remember who. Sorry I can’t credit you. Rest assured you are in my thoughts though – vaguely, anyway.
Feeling Polaroid
Posted on | January 5, 2010 | 5 Comments
My new favourite app for the iPhone is ShakeItPhoto which allows you to turn your photos into splendidly crappy and brilliantly retro Polaroid images. I mean, look at these (click for bigger images at Picasa):
Aren’t they cool. You can convert images already on your iPhone or, more likely, you can take a photo using ShakeItPhoto and watch as it spits out a virtual Polaroid. If you shake your phone you can speed up the ‘development’ process. Shaking and waiting for the image is something that’s really only fun the first time you do it so – thankfully – there’s an option to turn that off.
It has a very nice way of making pretty ordinary and mundane things look really rather pretty (in a polarised, saturated, colour-shifted, grainy sort of way). The picture format also forces you to think differently. Normally when taking a photo, most mortals are used to thinking in rectangles but thinking in squares makes you look at things differently.
ShakeItPhoto cheered me up immensely on a snowy morning trip to the shopping centre. It’s not quite perfect – as it crops the standard rectangular iPhone image, it could use a screen overlay to show what will be included in the final, Polaroided photo. Other than that, though, it’s really excellent. If you’ve an iPhone, try it.
You can see the full gallery over at my Picasa.
Tags: iPhone > photos > polaroid
A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Book: The Death Of Bunny Munro
Posted on | January 1, 2010 | 2 Comments
Who doesn’t like a nice cup of tea and a good book? As I quite like hearing about what others are reading, I (self-importantly, perhaps) thought I’d share the same information with you.
So then, I’ve just started The Death Of Bunny Munroe by Nick Cave. About a third of the way through at the moment and enjoying things so far.
If you are a regular reader of these ramblings, you might remember that, a few months back, I went to ‘An Evening Of Readings, Music And Conversation With Nick Cave‘. The ‘reading’ bit of that evening with Nick, was from this book. It’s Cave’s latest novel and he was plugging it between singing some splendid songs and getting heckled for being misogynist.
This latter was from a lady who took umbrage at the content of some of Cave’s prose. While I think Offended-Lady was completely wrong, there is plenty in The Death Of Bunny Munro to cause offence to a certain type of person. Basically, if you’re the type of person who really thinks that all men are bastards and that everything – literally everything – revolves around men attempting to bed every woman they meet/know/know of, this book may not be for you. The eponymous hero is not a terribly nice guy and while he’s not doing things to ladies’ bits, he’s thinking about lady-bits. You might think him an unsympathetic character, then. You’d be wrong – I wouldn’t want to hang out with Bunny Munro but I certainly care what happens to him.
So far, a good helping of sex and death and masturbation. Oh, and an episode where, after parking in a disabled spot, Bunny tells his son, “if a traffic warden comes by, pretend to be a spastic or something.”
It’s good. Get it. Of course, yours won’t be signed by Nick Cave (like wot mine is) but at least you’ll get a good read. If you’ve read Cave’s And The Ass Saw The Angel, well, this is nothing like it.
Oh, I am enjoying this book and tea with some M&S Rhubarb & Ginger Cookies. Delicious.
« NEWER Entries — OLDER Entries »Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
More information...