Never Say Monday Again
Posted on | January 18, 2010 | 9 Comments
INT. HAYES MEGALOMANIACAL GLOBAL DOMINATION HQ – MORNING
GERRY, a ruggedly handsome, goatee-sporting rake in his 30′s (just), strides purposefully into the dispatching chamber. He stands at the bottom of the murder platform and crosses his manly arms.
GERRY
So, Monday... We meet again.
MONDAY, strapped to the murder platform and whimpering like a girl, looks up with tears in his annoying eyes.
MONDAY
What? Do you expect me to be fun? Is that what you expect?
GERRY
No, Monday. I expect you to die.
Gerry nods hunkily to a technician who turns to a console and twiddles knobs. A laser COUGHS and SPLUTTERS, emitting a weak, stuttering beam of light before extinguishing completely.
GERRY
Oh for fuck’s sake-
The laser suddenly leaps back into life. Radiation gets all stimulated and emitted, amplifying light and heading straight for Monday’s crotch. Monday looks worried – like some little bitch or something.
Gerry smiles an evil, yet charmingly attractive, smile. His muscular legs walk his buff torso up the exit ramp. He laughs as he goes.
MONDAY
If I fail to report, Tuesday will just take my place.
Gerry stops short. His attractive face scrunches (strikingly) with awful realisation.
GERRY
Shite!
Comments
9 Responses to “Never Say Monday Again”
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and debase my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
More information...
January 18th, 2010 @ 15:43
What ho! You just gave Monday a bashing and then it turned on you. That’s the way love goes.
January 18th, 2010 @ 15:54
There is no love lost between Monday and me.
January 18th, 2010 @ 17:35
Nevermind Gerry, not too long to go before Tuesday arrives. Trouble is, you’ll have to go through it all again in 7 days time.
I’ve not forgotten that guitar piece, still working on it. At the moment it’s a bit directionless but The Times was giving away a free instructional writing book: How to Write Better English by Robert Allen. Saves me buying The Guardian’s equivalent for the time being…
January 18th, 2010 @ 20:50
“Just” in his 30s. I’m impressed by how mature you sound for someone so recently into his 3rd decade.
January 18th, 2010 @ 21:37
Ister: I am terribly impressed at your conscientiousness.
January 18th, 2010 @ 21:42
Ah, Ellie. How I wish I could let that go without comment. Honesty forces me to point out the ambiguity in my statement. I’m afraid the ‘just’ refers to the other end of my 30′s.
Please contain your disappointment in an appropriate manner.
January 20th, 2010 @ 11:00
Minging Monday. Today is Wubbish Wednesday. Tea anyone?
January 21st, 2010 @ 9:27
Terrible Thursday?
January 21st, 2010 @ 10:59
And no doubt Feckin’ Friday tomorrow. Generally a great week all round really..