Green and Bipolar
Posted on | May 4, 2013 | Comments Off
HULK TIRED. HULK NOT SLEEP.
GRRR. HULK ANGRY. HULK SMASH. SMAAAASH.
OOOH, BALL. PLAY BALL WITH HULK. YAY, HULK HAPPY.
HULK FALL DOWN. NOW HULK SAD. NO BALL. NO BALL.
SMASH.
SMASH.
GRRR, SMASH.
(Parenthood)
The Venn Diagram of Wretchedness
Posted on | March 6, 2013 | Comments Off
Tags: alex zane > awful people > end of days > rude tube > tasteless > you tube
Ghost Clock
Posted on | January 20, 2013 | 3 Comments
Some kitchen alterations meant we had to move the wall clock.
Now, though, bloody muscle-memory means I never have a clue what time it is as I keep staring, in confusion, at a bare wall. It’s been more than a month and there’s no sign I’ll adjust.
I wear a watch. In every other room I look at my wrist if I want to know the time. That never even occurs to me in the kitchen.
Toast: An Insight To The Mind
Posted on | December 2, 2012 | 2 Comments
Time and again, proper science research has shown that you can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they butter their toast. Typically, the shy and retiring scientists have always chosen to shun the limelight and this research has languished in dusty, though worthy, tomes in The Big Library Of Science.
Until now.
I’ve read extensively on the subject and will attempt to distill the knowledge from this—admittedly vast—field into layman-friendly sound-bites.
All of the toast buttered with no bare toast evident: Careful and methodical while at the same time creative and artistic; highly intelligent; a leader of men; not mental; generally very attractive.
Butter smeared in slap-dash fashion with swathes of toast unbuttered: Hippy slacker; slow-moving and slow-thinking; probably smells of unpleasant stuff; harbours ill-conceived dissident ideas; likely to be dangerous if not so ploddingly lazy.
Look to your breakfast companion. Look into their mind.
IMG: Fly, My Pretty
Posted on | October 30, 2012 | Comments Off
Posted remotely by electronic trickery and magick, possibly involving cats’ souls.
Fry-Up Filled Idiot In The Mist
Posted on | July 24, 2012 | Comments Off
This was my view when I got up yesterday morning.
Pretty cool, eh? Well, until you remember that I then needed to pack up a tent and make my way up into that fog. For a second, bloody, day.
I was out in the hills with the brother and a mate. Rucksacks crammed with sleeping bags, too much food, and a couple of sneaky beers to put the night in. Not a very long hike but thick fog and strong wind made for reasonably tough going. What should have been around a five-hour walk probably ran about six hours as most of it was navigated by compass only,
Luckily we were camping below cloud-level. Even threw together a hearty campfire. Splendid.
Day two was much the same conditions for most of it. A rough section with no trails proved heavy going in that same fog and wind. About half-way through the walk, the clouds broke up a bit and the sun came out a bit. So pleased was I to be able to stow my woolly hat that I neglected to replace it with my sunhat so I’ve now got a bright red bonce. Silly, that.
Burny head aside, it was a great couple of days in the hills.
It also included what was likely the best breakfast-roll the world has ever seen. Oh, yes.
IMG: Woooo, Spectrefish.
Posted on | July 13, 2012 | Comments Off
Posted remotely by electronic trickery and magick, possibly involving cats’ souls.
I am a chef
Posted on | July 10, 2012 | Comments Off
If you mix these two things together, it’s freaking delicious smeared on a ham and cheese sarnie. Take that, Ramsey, you great burke.
Posted remotely by electronic trickery and magick, possibly involving cats’ souls.
What’s Wrong With You People?
Posted on | June 27, 2012 | Comments Off
Not just today or even this week. Most searched keywords on my site EVER. They’re always there.
Seriously, it’s not right.
A splendid day…
Posted on | June 25, 2012 | Comments Off
…For a stroll in the hills. It didn’t even rain, oddly enough.
Posted remotely by electronic trickery and magick, possibly involving cats’ souls.
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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