Stare Into Space

Phantom Machinations

INT. OMINOUS MEGLOMANIACAL BOARDROOM – NIGHT A vast room, in darkness but for a single cone of light that illuminates GEORGE at the head of a long table. A row of execs sit in the shadows along each side. Their chairs are considerably shorter than George’s. GEORGE Maybe we can put some aliens in it. […]

Film: Tyrannosaur

A year or two back, I saw Paddy Considine’s short film Dog Altogether and was lucky enough to attend a Q&A with Considine afterwards. He mentioned at the time that he hoped to expand the short into a feature-length film and that we was working towards that. Well, Dog Altogether was a brilliant piece of […]

Gerry’s Big Day Out

Oddly, the sun shone. Blue and cloudless skies and the warmest day of the year for the day I planned to spend about five hours in the cinema. Caught Malick’s The Tree Of Life to see what all the fuss was about. And I count myself in the ‘impressed’ column. I feel the film worked […]

I Sat Through That? King Kong

Peter, bloody, Jackson and his bloody interminable, CGI-filled epics.  After taking up an entire day of my life with those annoying little Hobbit bastards, he then nicks another portion of it with this: King Kong. “Pah!” I say, “Pah!” I Sat Through That? – King Kong.

I Sat Through That? The Matrix Revolutions

The shitty Matrix… No, the other one… Yeah, the third one.  What?  Yeah, I know the second one’s shite too but at least it had a bit of actual ‘matrix’ in it.  What’s that you say?  The first one’s shite too?  Well, with the benefit of hindsight it’s not the best film ever but I’ll […]

Who says it’s unproductive?

If you’re thinking in a button-down, linear manner, you’d be forgiven for thinking I have not accomplished much over the last few days*.  Ostensibly, it may have looked like I’ve been lolling around, drinking beer and talking shite with my brother.  However, while it seemed thus to lazy-minded, superficial people, I was in fact carefully […]

How B can you be?

Wow.  Last night, I saw one of the best films I think I ever have.  As part of the IFI’s Horrorthon festival, the inimitable Night Of The Lepus was shown.  Astonishing, simply astonishing. The plot?  Simple.  Giant killer rabbits terrorise a small town. Rory Calhoun, Janet Leigh and, a very snappily-dressed DeForest Kelley star (and […]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
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    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
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