Stare Into Space

The stuff of nightmares

My daughter owns a weird, decapitated head.  Its purpose is to provide a blank canvas for all sorts of girlie make-up application practices. It has played this part for the last year or so and has worn many a combination of maquillage although, as a manly man, I am unsure of the exact classification of […]

A nascent talent

My daughters turned four the other day – a baby no more.  She celebrated in fine style with much merriment and sugary treats.  She also drew a splendid picture of me.  A fine likeness (not that most of you know) and one that now holds pride of place on the fridge door. She’s captured me, […]

What are you supposed to say?

My overtired daughter is currently upstairs, wailing that she ‘wants to be a real fairy’. Bloody kids.

I thought I had more time

Yesterday, my daughter took a cook book from the shelf in the kitchen and sat down in the sitting room to have a look. I went with her. “What’s this?” she enquired. “It’s a recipe book that tells you how to cook things,” I said. “Why?” she asked. She’s still in the why-stage. Inquisitive little […]

Her father’s daughter

My daughter has been a little uneasy at night of late. She’s normally a pretty good sleepy person but for the last month she’s been a bit troublesome getting settled and shouts for us in the night if she wakes up. The other night, my wife was putting her down but she was not keen […]

Terrible Twos

It appears that my daughter has well and truly found The Terrible Twos and made them her own. On Monday night, I came home about an hour after my darling daughter’s bedtime and opened the front door to much wailing and screaming. I popped upstairs to see what the fuss was and found my wife […]

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Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
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    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
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