I Sat Through That – 88 Minutes
An absolute masterclass in how not to write a screenplay. Everything about it is bad. If you’re a writer, watch 88 minutes and make sure you never do anything like it. It is that bad. 88 Minutes. It really is bad.
I Sat Through That? – Deep Impact
No, not Armageddon, the other one. You know, the one with Morgan Freeman as president. I wonder did they want to see his birth certificate. In reality, if Morgan Freeman were president and was trying to save the earth from a catastrophic cosmic impact capable of destroying all life, the streets would be full of […]
Downside
I have lost weight. The paunch is gone and, while I’m no ripped, six-packed, hunk, I am, at least, no longer a podgy hunk. I accomplished this feat through my Astonishing Weight-Loss System which is basically not eating so much shit and not drinking so much beer. I wonder if I could pad it out […]
I Sat Through That? – The Break-Up
I’m not certain why this film affects me so profoundly but it certainly moves something deep within me. I get angry; really, really angry just by thinking about it. This film and all of its sullen, bleak baggage upsets the hell out of me and not in a snuffly, Old Yeller, something in my eye, […]
British Short Screenplay Competition
I’ve just heard that my short, WILL, has made it through to the next round of the BSSC. Hurrah for me. Last year, I made it this far but no farther. I think it’s a better effort this year so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Oh, and hurrah for me.
I Sat Through That? – The Lord Of The Rings
Really. I am courting controversy. I am sacred cow-tipping – sneaking up on it as it sleeps the long, drowsy sleep of the utterly bored and giving it a ruddy good shove. The cow will emit a torpid, barely audible moo before falling on its bloated, special-edition, extended arse where it will sit lazily without […]
Nobody likes a smartarse penguin
The penguins glare at me from the shelf. A dozen of them, maybe more. They glare and chatter in that penguiny way they have. “We have classics,” they gloat, “many, many classics. Great works; wonderful, worthy works full of magnificent, moving, powerful prose. Prose that changed the world, that shaped imaginations and perceptions and lives. […]
I Sat Through That? – M. Night Shyamalan
I could have taken the lazy way out and written a column on each of three Shyamalan films for the next three weeks but, instead, I’ve done a triple-header. So, pop over for a. longer than usual, column of Shyamalan bashing – specifically, The Happening, Signs and The Village. I Sat Through That? – M. […]
Antsy
For the last two and a half weeks, I have been family guy. I’ve been spending even more time with my little girl to keep her reassured during the lead-up to starting big school. She actually started this morning and it all went remarkably smoothly – there were no tears from her and even my […]
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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