Stare Into Space


Posted on | September 20, 2009 | 6 Comments

I have lost weight.  The paunch is gone and, while I’m no ripped, six-packed, hunk, I am, at least, no longer a podgy hunk.  I accomplished this feat through my Astonishing Weight-Loss System which is basically not eating so much shit and not drinking so much beer.  I wonder if I could pad it out into a self-help book.

Were I to do so however, I would feel it necessary to include a chapter on the downside of losing weight.

I have to go buy new trousers.

All my damn trousers are based around tubby-boy and now look ridiculous, belted tightly around my, newly-discovered, waist.  New trousers and new belts are required.  I liked some of those trousers.  To make matters worse, the event that kicked-off this flab-fighting was having to buy a new suit to go to a wedding.  Do you think that big suit’s going to fit me now?  It’ll look like clown trousers.  I could get some braces and pop a hula-hoop through the belt loops of it.

Weight-loss.  Know the risks.  Always consult your tailor.


Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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