Stare Into Space

My Brain Works Differently To Normal People’s

Posted on | October 15, 2011 | 5 Comments

Last night was one of my, all-too-rare, ‘alone in the house’ nights. Wife and children off visiting family.

Ah, bliss. Relaxing, calm, quiet—

BUMP!

What the crap? A noise, a palpable noise, from somewhere in the house. It was relatively loud; certainly the sound of something large shifting or falling.

Into the kitchen. Nothing there.

I decided, if I was to investigate this potential house-invasion of burglars, kidnappers or grey-aliens, I should not be defenceless.

Into the drawers.

Rummage, rummage.

What do I come up with? What do I wield as a weapon as I search the rest of the (hopefully) empty house?

A small LED flashlight.

I figured it could serve as a makeshift knuckle-duster should I need to punch a Grey in his stupid, big-eyed, face.

It’s worth noting that, in choosing this weapon, I looked at, considered, and ultimately eschewed a number of large and sharp kitchen knives in favour of three-and-a-half inches of flimsy, cylindrical metal.

My reason for not going with big, sharp, knives?

Too clichéd.

Stupid brain.

Never did find the source of the noise. You can be damn sure I slept with that flashlight on the bedside table, though.

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Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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