Curse You, Johnny Depp’s Beard
Look at him. Handsome bastard. Perhaps you’ll get all swoony and weak at the knees. Perhaps your little heart will beat more quickly in your swelling bosom. Perhaps secret parts of you are getting a tad muggy just contemplating his deep eyes, his chiselled features, his oooh-look-at-my-hair-it’s-all-unkempt-and-boyish hair, his patchy beard. His patchy beard. Although […]
There are worse spots for lunch
IMG: My hometown
Calling all geeks! Calling all geeks!
Come in geeks. I’m in need of geekly assistance for I am suffering my own geek-fail. Mayday! Mayday! Why do you say ‘Mayday?’ It’s only a bank holiday. Why not ‘Shrove Tuesday’ or ‘Ascension Sunday?’ Ascension Sunday! Ascension Sunday! The fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost. [That’s how to get geeks on-side – quote Red Dwarf.] My […]
Last One Out, Please Turn Off The Lights
On the off-chance anybody is wondering, I have said my not-so-fond farewells to Facebook. I’m very aware that there was a mass ‘Leave Facebook Day’ a week or so back but I left a few weeks prior to that. I’m no trend-following sheep – I blaze my own trail. Well, in this case anyway. Facebook, […]
Animals Exist For My Amusement
Look, look, he looks a bit like that Meerkat from the ad. Go on, do it. Do the line. Say “simples.” He’s not really him. He’s not even a meerkat. He’s a mongoose. I think. Actually, I’m not even certain he’s a male. What do you want from me? I’m not David Attenborough. I recently […]
Summer, Summer, Summertime…
…To quote master songwriters, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the freshest of Fresh Princes. I am desperately trying to get things back on an even keel again. Many events have conspired – in furtive, secret and conspiring ways – to prevent me doing much of the things that I like, and should be, doing. I haven’t […]
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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