Stare Into Space

Isn’t Erdinger lovely?

Posted on | January 5, 2008 | 4 Comments

Isn’t it though? In all of it’s delicious and different guises. Yummy.

I’ve had some. Tasty, scrumptious nectar. Erdinger. Yummy, yummy Erdinger. If the Erdinger people are reading and want to present me with some sort of promotional package, they can reach me at trousers (at) jimmypagestrousers.com. If they’re not though, I and I realise that they have a lot of work to do in making various delicious beers, that’s ok too.

I have to upgrade my digital package, if only to get some decent music channels instead of “Shit Hits For Teenage Girls”.

Chicken liver paté (I know that there’s probably an accent circonflexe over the ‘a’ but I don’t know how to make it appear) is nice on toast.

The channel that is ‘Smash Hits’ isn’t good. It’s currently showing something called R’n’B Party. Not my cup of tea really.

Dido is on another channel though. She’s pretty, and not so pretty that I think I don’t have a chance; just pretty enough. I mean, obviously that David Boreanaz bloke is something of a threat but, realistically, is he really that good looking? And his career’s been pretty shite since Angel tanked so, I reckon I’m in with a good chance. Don’t like her music much though. Nobody’s perfect.

Another beer needed. I put it in the freezer half an hour ago. Nice.

Crap. Now it’s Robbie Williams. Women want him and men want to be him. Yeah, right. Not this man. “Ooooooh, pay attention to me, pay attention. I sometimes get a bit depressed.” Oh for fuck’s sake, Robbie. Welcome to the world you talentless cunt. If I were you, I’d send Guy Chambers a bunch of flowers or a six-pack or something ‘cos you need some help to write something that isn’t in rhyming couplets.

Now, it’s some girl doing a cover of Bryan Adams’ Heaven. I initially baulked at it until I remembered I don’t like the original and realised that this is actually much, much better. Bryan Adams sucks (except for Summer of ’69 which I like to sing when I’m pissed – come to think of it, I’d like to hear it now). And he’s no sense of humour, although that may be Ryan Adams who’s his brother, or is him, or something.

Flicked over and that shower are doing Lady Marmalade. Aguillera is also pretty but I don’t think I’d have as much of a chance as with Dido (no offence Dido). L’il Kim is contibuting with ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” She’s very talented.

You know who I hate with all of the bile-producing glands in my body? Sean Kingston. What a pointless, useless, talentless, song-thieving, fat cunt. It’s one thing to sample a bit of someone else’s song (and I’m not that keen on that either) but to just sing some new, shit lyrics over someone else’s (someone with talent you will never have) song. That doesn’t make you musician, you hack, just a cunt. What a chubby-boned wanker.

And Fergie’s shit too. I know I’m not the first, but it does annoy me that she bleats on about London Bridge when she means Tower Bridge. And I’m Irish, for fuck’s sake.

I should probably go to bed. Sleepy now.

Ooooh. Ooooh, wait… Westlife.

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Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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