Stare Into Space

BBC Writing Workshop

I was too tired and lazy to write anything about this yesterday but, if you’ll remember, I was in London for a couple of days to attend a writing workshop with the Beeb. Looking back, the whole thing’s just a whirlwind of planes, dodgy hotels, writing and ladyboy escorts.  I turned up at the Beeb […]

Helen’s update

I’m only posting because Helen insisted I update my blog.  Who does she think she is with her bloggy demands?  She reads and reads and reads but never comments.  Are you happy now, Helen?  Are you happy to have me dance to your whims?  Dance, monkey, dance. In non-Helen related news, I’m all packed for […]

I should probably get a cat

Can’t really stand the little feline bastards but, as I’m off to London, it seems that a proficient ratter is a necessity.  A half-decent, rat-catching moggy and I can be mayor, just like Boris Johnson.  I’ve read it somewhere.  I don’t think it needs thigh-high boots like that Puss-In-Boots which is a pity – a […]

Radio, what’s new?

I’ll have some stuff on Recorded For Training Purposes on BBC Radio 4 at 11PM tonight (Thursday). Erm… that’s it really. Sooooo… You like sports? Right, yeah… No, me neither.   Ok then, bye.

I’m on the wireless*

* In the days before Web 2.0 and Twitter and such, the wireless was what old-timers called the radio** ** In the days before DAB and podcasts and such, the radio was a device that sat on your kitchen windowsill and received crackly broadcasts of news, The Archers and popular music of the day. Anyway, […]

Peer pressure

It seems that everyone else is doing it.  Round-ups of the previous year seem to be de rigueur.  Personally, I’ve never cared for them or, indeed, any new year shenanigans.  I’m not really one for the new year thing – arbitrary day after all. That said, I’m the bitch of peer pressure.  So then, daah, […]

In which I receive good news

It seems that I am to be a finalist in this years Red Planet Prize (it’s quite prestigious, you know). A month or two back, I submitted a ten-page extract and outline for a one-hour TV drama and a subsequent series.  Today I received an email stating: Congratulations Gerry Hayes! Your submission “Over Sophie” has […]

It’s the tiny victories

This morning, as I stare into the bathroom mirror repeating the phrase ‘I’m a winner’, I can do so with more conviction than usual. Today, people, I am a winner. My short scene entry over at The Rouge Wave was voted the best. Hurrah for me! My first earnings from writing, an Amazon gift certificate […]

Times are good or bad, happy or sad

How often do you get to quote Al Green? So then, the bad news. I didn’t make the next round of the British Short Screenplay Competition. It seems that Branagh (I’m assuming it was him) didn’t like my script. Either that or he was scared by the vast talent evident in every page, line, word […]

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Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
    • Everybody finds Caravaggios but me. Where's my bloody Caravaggio? Lost 'Caravaggio' painting found in French attic
    • No, honestly… I’m not an arsehole.
    • Go help @Herring1967 disrupt industries and smash systems at What an age we live in. Go. Now.
    • I find Tattoo Fixers utterly compelling viewing.
    • Peppa Pig’s vile Animal Caste System continues to disgust me. Condemn this mammal-centric regime!
    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
    • Dude… Check it out. I totally swiped his helmet.
    • I’ve been watching this Disclosure movie. This “virtual reality” thing seems to be the future. I may invest.
    • I know it’s January but I just noticed Santa’s expression. He seems to have been caught in the act of something.
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