The Universe and I rarely see eye to eye. I’d have followed the five-second rule if there weren’t jagged shards of porcelain everywhere. Stupid Universe. Now I’m having cake for lunch.
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.