I Sat Through That? King Kong
Peter, bloody, Jackson and his bloody interminable, CGI-filled epics. After taking up an entire day of my life with those annoying little Hobbit bastards, he then nicks another portion of it with this: King Kong. “Pah!” I say, “Pah!” I Sat Through That? – King Kong.
I Sat Through That – What’s wrong with X-Men
What’s wrong with X-Men? That must be a good Scrabble score. If I can work in ‘quixotic’ I’ll have this game wrapped up. But I digress. Having been subjected to a month or more of X-Men films on most of the eighty channels my TV receives, it’s dawned on me why they’re shit. Wanna know […]
I Sat Through That? – Two For The Price Of One
I didn’t update last week – for good reasons that I won’t go into here. However, last Monday’s I Sat Through That? had already been submitted before last week and, as things got back to something resembling normality this weekend, I submitted this week’s column too. You therefore get two updates here today. Whoop-de-doo, eh? […]
I Sat Through That – 88 Minutes
An absolute masterclass in how not to write a screenplay. Everything about it is bad. If you’re a writer, watch 88 minutes and make sure you never do anything like it. It is that bad. 88 Minutes. It really is bad.
I Sat Through That? – Deep Impact
No, not Armageddon, the other one. You know, the one with Morgan Freeman as president. I wonder did they want to see his birth certificate. In reality, if Morgan Freeman were president and was trying to save the earth from a catastrophic cosmic impact capable of destroying all life, the streets would be full of […]
I Sat Through That? – The Break-Up
I’m not certain why this film affects me so profoundly but it certainly moves something deep within me. I get angry; really, really angry just by thinking about it. This film and all of its sullen, bleak baggage upsets the hell out of me and not in a snuffly, Old Yeller, something in my eye, […]
I Sat Through That? – The Lord Of The Rings
Really. I am courting controversy. I am sacred cow-tipping – sneaking up on it as it sleeps the long, drowsy sleep of the utterly bored and giving it a ruddy good shove. The cow will emit a torpid, barely audible moo before falling on its bloated, special-edition, extended arse where it will sit lazily without […]
I Sat Through That? – M. Night Shyamalan
I could have taken the lazy way out and written a column on each of three Shyamalan films for the next three weeks but, instead, I’ve done a triple-header. So, pop over for a. longer than usual, column of Shyamalan bashing – specifically, The Happening, Signs and The Village. I Sat Through That? – M. […]
I Sat Through That? – Unbreakable
I am rather abashed that there is nothing between the post informing you of this week’s column and last week’s post informing you of the, then current, column. I was having a rainy holiday in the Galway area though so that’s my excuse. Not that I need to make excuses to the likes of you. […]
I Sat Through That? – Planet Of The Apes
New column available over on Flickering Myth. This week, Planet Of The Apes. Not the original, the one where Charlton Heston’s a dead, duplicitous, right-wing monkey with a gun as opposed to – oh, never mind. I Sat Through That? – Planet Of The Apes
keep looking »Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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