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Curse You, Johnny Depp’s Beard

Look at him. Handsome bastard. Perhaps you’ll get all swoony and weak at the knees. Perhaps your little heart will beat more quickly in your swelling bosom. Perhaps secret parts of you are getting a tad muggy just contemplating his deep eyes, his chiselled features, his oooh-look-at-my-hair-it’s-all-unkempt-and-boyish hair, his patchy beard. His patchy beard. Although […]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Trying out @theTunnelBear so I can browse privately from my ISP. https://t.co/wPwjxzOreO https://t.co/u2V2dv1uCb
    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
    • Everybody finds Caravaggios but me. Where's my bloody Caravaggio? Lost 'Caravaggio' painting found in French attic https://t.co/llKg3GO7d0
    • No, honestly… I’m not an arsehole. https://t.co/PyGE2lPIXp
    • Go help @Herring1967 disrupt industries and smash systems at https://t.co/4OY0YVcT6C. What an age we live in. Go. Now.
    • I find Tattoo Fixers utterly compelling viewing.
    • Peppa Pig’s vile Animal Caste System continues to disgust me. Condemn this mammal-centric regime! https://t.co/y6uwAMfV2A
    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
    • Dude… Check it out. I totally swiped his helmet. https://t.co/2PSi0XwqNn
    • I’ve been watching this Disclosure movie. This “virtual reality” thing seems to be the future. I may invest.
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