Stare Into Space

Christmas Past

As the wind hurls its more miserable and wetter brother, the rain, against my attic windows, I sit and consider the Christmas season just passed.  All in all, it wasn’t too bad. A rather splendid Christmas dinner at my in-laws began the Christmas Waist Expansion in earnest.  Over the next few days, much beer was […]

The Day After Christmas

It is the day after Christmas and I’m in a bit of a weird mood. I suspect one of two things: My spleen has secreted excess humour – a black bile if you will – that has brought on a bout of melancholia. I’m getting fed up with the Christmas experience of staying at my […]

It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year…

…Not really, of course.  It’s just Christmas. That being the case however, it seems traditional to offer some sort of Yuletide greeting to people – even weird, internet strangers who, more than likely, are reading this naked, smeared in goose-fat while performing strange, unsavoury acts with Toblerones and turkey-basters. So then, filthy internet-people, have yourselves […]

Par-rump-a-pum-pum

Time once again to celebrate the feast of the Christus, or the birth of Cliff Richard, or whatever it is that forces us to spend daft money on daft gifts for daft friends and relatives.  I’m planning the traditional Christmas of gorging myself on carbohydrates and dead birds (and the flesh of miscellaneous other animals), […]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
    • Everybody finds Caravaggios but me. Where's my bloody Caravaggio? Lost 'Caravaggio' painting found in French attic https://t.co/llKg3GO7d0
    • No, honestly… I’m not an arsehole. https://t.co/PyGE2lPIXp
    • Go help @Herring1967 disrupt industries and smash systems at https://t.co/4OY0YVcT6C. What an age we live in. Go. Now.
    • I find Tattoo Fixers utterly compelling viewing.
    • Peppa Pig’s vile Animal Caste System continues to disgust me. Condemn this mammal-centric regime! https://t.co/y6uwAMfV2A
    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
    • Dude… Check it out. I totally swiped his helmet. https://t.co/2PSi0XwqNn
    • I’ve been watching this Disclosure movie. This “virtual reality” thing seems to be the future. I may invest.
    • I know it’s January but I just noticed Santa’s expression. He seems to have been caught in the act of something. https://t.co/O9MD0ze1UQ
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