Stare Into Space

I’d like to be under the sea

Ok, my dreams are becoming a little worrying. Last night, I dreamed that some friends were having a bit of a party. It was a fine affair with booze aplenty and there seemed much merriment. There were a few famous musos there and I remember noting them, although I can’t remember who they were now. […]

Morte a Venezia

Popped away for the weekend.  Quiet time of it as I was a complete crock of a man.  I’d somehow managed to pull a muscle in my neck which meant that anything other than staring straight ahead and slightly downwards caused complete agony.  This is not really what you want on a weekend away with […]

Sick again

Not the closer from Physical Graffiti, but my condition. Had to go to the doctor’s on Tuesday. Bronchitis, don’t you know? Unpleasant. Painful. Spent the last two days in bed and would have spent today in bed too had not my wife called to say that she forgot to bring her mother’s day cards with […]

Galileo, Figaro, magnifico

As my wife popped off with the progeny this weekend to visit her folks, I had, what is colloquially termed in these parts, a free gaff. Decided to get The Brother over for a visit and perhaps a drinkie or two. Picked him up and headed to the off-licence for some beers. We bought a […]

Ahhh, me finger

Cryptic title I know, but all will become clear. Yesterday, I took delivery of a consignment of manly power-tools. All men love power-tools (all men that I know anyway). I believe it’s the atavistic urge to do things with tools combined with the geeky pleasure that this particular tool has a plug on it and […]

Sick-boy

I’m not feeling well. I woke up yesterday, feeling as if someone had fitted a nice pastry crust to my eyelids and baked them at gas mark 5 for an hour. Had to scrape off a string of yellow gunk before I could see enough to notice that my eyes were all swollen and bloodshot. […]

I hate the bus

Getting the bus into town the other night. Sitting quietly upstairs listening to my iPod when the bus stopped sharply. Something rolled along the floor and hit me in the foot. As I shifted to look at it, I noticed the girl in the seat behind me shifting and looking at the floor. So, chivalrous […]

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Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Proper scientists tell us the most pissed off you get, the more you want to eat all the cakes. Christ, I want cake.
    • Everybody finds Caravaggios but me. Where's my bloody Caravaggio? Lost 'Caravaggio' painting found in French attic https://t.co/llKg3GO7d0
    • No, honestly… I’m not an arsehole. https://t.co/PyGE2lPIXp
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    • I find Tattoo Fixers utterly compelling viewing.
    • Peppa Pig’s vile Animal Caste System continues to disgust me. Condemn this mammal-centric regime! https://t.co/y6uwAMfV2A
    • Frequently wonder what the point of democracy is. Looking forward to the day I can seize power and oversee my Mostly Benevolent Dictatorship
    • Dude… Check it out. I totally swiped his helmet. https://t.co/2PSi0XwqNn
    • I’ve been watching this Disclosure movie. This “virtual reality” thing seems to be the future. I may invest.
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