Stare Into Space

The word ‘hero’ is thrown around a lot…

Posted on | April 2, 2011 | 2 Comments

I’ve been chasing burglars. Literally.

This evening, around 7:15, I was working in my attic eerie when I hear a sound like a bottle breaking. I also hear the sound of a, seemingly distant, house alarm.  This latter is not an unusual event so my brain pretty much ignored it.  I did get up from my desk to see if I could spot the little shit who was breaking bottles though.

It wasn’t a bottle.  It was the kitchen window of the house behind mine. I spotted a scumbag climbing in through the broken window. Obviously, I was right on the blower to the old bill (this sort of talk seems right here – sorry).  Within seconds of my getting off the phone (a one minute call – I checked) the scumbag, and a scumbag mate who I hadn’t seen, were out again. They scarpered across a couple of gardens and into my next-door neighbour’s.

I came downstairs to try keep an eye on them and they’d barged through the side passage and were off up the road.  I went out and saw that my neighbour was already out and running after them.  I set off close behind.  The scumbags had gone down a cul-de-sac and, with their head-start, by the time we got to the corner, they were nowhere to be seen.  We looked about a little with no success.

The police arrived about a minute or so later – a fantastic response – and they asked us to jump in the car before proceeding to do a Sweeney all over the estate.  Brilliant. Seeing nothing, they rendezvoused with an impressive number of their, speedily responsive, colleagues (including two plain-clothes blokes).  One of them took some details and information from us while the rest began searching for the scumbags.  I’ve been cynical of the police at times in the past but I was massively impressed at the speed and manner of their response on this.

We left the police searching back gardens, sheds, and big bramble thickets. I don’t know if they caught the scumbags. I hope so but I doubt it (not for the want of trying, to be fair).

I’m guessing there’s going to be some sort of parade to celebrate my heroism.  As I await the shoulder-high carrying through masses of ticker-tape and pretty girls looking on in moist awe, I’m having a beer or two.


Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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