Stare Into Space

Enter New Kid

So, in childbirth news, this thing on the left arrived a week ago. This is New Kid. He’s a boy and, added to our six-year old girl, he completes the set. Sadly, he has no beard – even at a week and a day, he’s already a disappointment to his father. Puberty seems a long [...]

Ten Minutes To Wapner

Daughter just asked about a touristy, medieval-village thing we visited about a year ago. She’d like to go again as she’s sad we didn’t get to go inside Number 8, ‘where they did the knitting’ but she did enjoy having lunch in Number 10. She’s referring to the numbers on the visitor’s map we used [...]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and debase my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Personally, I like awards shows but then I've always been interested in lists of people and organisations to which celebrities are grateful.
    • When I am President For Life, anyone putting 'fancy' toppings on their pancakes will be shipped to toil ironically in the Jif Lemon mines.
    • Jesus would have been pleased to see all Twitter come together through the pancake, the foodstuff Satan tried to tempt him with.
    • And don't give me any of that savoury crêpe hoo-ha. Anything more than a squirt of Jif Lemon is unmanly.
    • Pancakes: one of the very few foods that can't be improved by the addition of chilli.
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