Do you think I can get a research grant?
Posted on | November 26, 2007 | 2 Comments
I’ve had a nasty cough and a cold for the last couple of weeks. Bit bunged up and I’ve snorted enough Vicks Sinex that I’m sure my nostrils resemble Amy Winehouse’s. In an effort to get rid of this nasty ailment, I’ve taken to drinking a considerable amount of beer every evening for the last four days. My reasoning is that I’ll make my body so inhospitable a place to live that the cold germs will hitch their little wagons and move on to some tea-total bloke.
So far it seems to be working. I’m feeling less bunged up and coughing less. A further bout of intensive research over the next few days will confirm my initial, empirical findings, but I think you can expect to see me published in the next issue of The Lancet.
No cure for the common cold indeed.
Comments
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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Technically you are already at Phase 3 of the clinical trials, human testing, congratulations!
As long as you don’t end up with a swollen head the size a space hopper GSK will be knocking on your door in no time.
I swear by this cure by the way.
Update: Progress good. Hangover absent. Prognosis positive (although further treatment required).
Inky Thinker: You could well be right. Days after I publish mu findings, GSK will be rebranding bottles of Stella and selling them for thirty-five quid a bottle. Reassuringly expensive.