Stare Into Space

B-U-S-T-E-D

Last night, my daughter, now four, asked me, “why do you and mum sometimes talk with letters and not words?” The jig’s up.  She might not be able to spell, but she knows that something’s going on and gets all watchful and sneaky. A new system is required.  I’m for Pig-Latin. Afty-cray ittle-lay rat-bay.  Ix-nay [...]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and debase my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Effectively, Bear Grylls has made a career of exaggerating stuff and eating crap that scuttles. He'd clean up on I'm A Celebrity.
    • I do love Bear Grylls' ridiculous hyperbole: "Anyone who underestimates this Death Chasm, will be dead!" It's a bloody kerb, Bear.
    • You don't get much Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich these days. It's all Justin Bieber Feat. Child-Friendly lyrics of Katy Perry now.
    • It was a lot of crisps, to be fair. I feel a little unwell.
    • A 150g bag of salt & vinegar crisps is too much to eat in one sitting, right? Even with beer.
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