Healthy, Wealthy and Wise
Posted on | January 20, 2011 | 3 Comments
I am certainly not one of those things. The other two are reasonably debatable too.
What I am is a, reborn, early-riser. I am up and about before even the sluggard larks have bothered stretching their sleepy wings and hopping out of their cosy nests. Lazy lark bastards.
It pains me greatly that the beginning of my new regime coincided, roughly, with New Year. I failed to think things through and missed this. I’m now worried I’ll be thought of as the sort of person who makes new year resolutions.
Perhaps this regime change is a symptom of the most boring mid-life crisis ever but I’m getting out of bed about 5:45am and am using that time to do the things that stupid Life has prevented me doing for a while. Half of the week, this gives me two hours of writing, reading, catching up on interesting work, or whatever before I have to get my sleepy daughter out of bed for school. Other days it gives me an hour of those things and an hour’s run.
I’ve drifted, naturally, into going to bed a little earlier as a result and this is ok. The more astute reader will ask, “But why not do those things before bed instead of getting up early to do them?”
To which I’ll reply, “Because I’m a fricking idiot who just ends up watching tripe on TV and eating crisps at night-time.”
“But surely it’s just a psychological thing, then. Surely you could just change your night-time habits,” you’ll cry.
“Nobody likes a smartarse,” I’ll ejaculate.
Then I’ll mumble something about being up when your lazy carcass is still festering in your pit, assuming you’re on Greenwich Mean Time, and will shuffle off to get some day-time clothes on.
Comments
Gerry Hayes
I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and deride my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.
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Am I right in thinking I just read you ejaculating…?
Exciting, isn’t it?
Too exciting for me to admit.
…
Oh.