Stare Into Space

I should probably get a cat

Can’t really stand the little feline bastards but, as I’m off to London, it seems that a proficient ratter is a necessity.  A half-decent, rat-catching moggy and I can be mayor, just like Boris Johnson.  I’ve read it somewhere.  I don’t think it needs thigh-high boots like that Puss-In-Boots which is a pity – a [...]

Radio, what’s new?

I’ll have some stuff on Recorded For Training Purposes on BBC Radio 4 at 11PM tonight (Thursday). Erm… that’s it really. Sooooo… You like sports? Right, yeah… No, me neither.   Ok then, bye.

Goose-stepping, twelve-stepping…*

“My name is Gerry, and…” “Hiiiiiiiii, Gerry.” “Errrm, yeah, hi… Right, My name is… Oh right, done that.  I have a problem.” “That’s the first step, Gerry.  Now all you need to do is to accept that you’re merely a helpless puppet in the palsied, control-freak hands of a higher power and you’re well on [...]

Gerry Hayes

Gerry Hayes

I mostly sit around all day and drink tea. Occasionally, I write stuff and send it to strangers so they can humiliate me and debase my efforts. Other than the self-harm to dull the shame of failure, it's not a bad life. Like I say, there's tea.

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    • Last night, a bloke entered pub toilet, unbuttoned his fly and had a wee all one-handed as he texted with the other. We live in the future.
    • Blackbird making nest in my back yard. Soon I shall steal its eggs and devour their soft-boiled souls.
    • Can I get a grant to research snoozing? The money will go towards tea, biscuits and one of those blankets with sleeves.
    • IT WILL ALL HURT by Farel Dalrymple is a thing of strange and wonderful beauty http://t.co/3fal3O0r
    • Have pulled muscle in my neck. Now moving about like some poorly-made robot.
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